Back in 2014, I was living a quiet, almost aimless life aboard a small boat in Vancouver. My long-term relationship had just ended, and I felt completely unmoored—not just from the person I’d shared my life with, but from myself. The break-up left me aimless and lost, and I had no roadmap for what came next.
One morning, while nursing a lukewarm coffee and that familiar heaviness in my chest, I got a call from a friend I’d made on a trip to Koh Samui last year. He had returned to Thailand and was now working as a manager at a small restaurant on Koh Samui. “You should come out here,” he said. “You need a reset. A fresh start. And I could use a good friend.”
He didn’t have to convince me too long. The way he described the beaches, the laid-back pace, and the warmth of life in Thailand sparked something inside me. I booked a flight. Maybe I wasn’t running toward somethingb but I was definitely running from something. I needed something to get me out of my hole and i needed it fast so i left soon after.
Koh Samui was beautiful, but it didn’t feel right. I couldn’t settle. After the first few days i started to drigt back into my self pity and started to feel the same as back home. So I decided to cut the stay short and headed to Bangkok, thinking I’d just ride out the rest of my three-week trip. But life had other plans.
Somehow the city got to me and i stayed much longer than i thought. After a month i thought i’d look for work as my funds were running low and within a week I was offered a teaching job. It felt both random and perfectly timed so I accepted. Suddenly I had a purpose, a daily rhythm. I started teaching English and making a modest but steady living.
The foreign teacher scene was mostly friendly and male it didn’t quite fit my vibe. I found it hard to connect with people. I mostly kept to myself, except for one romantic relationship that turned out to be a storm I didn’t see coming. It was a rollercoaster ride of sweet moments tangled up with dishonesty, emotional distance, and mutual avoidance.
Looking back, I know I i still wasn’t ready for a new relationship. My heart was still stitched up from the breakup in Vancouver, and I had built walls I didn’t even realize were there. So I kept her at a distance, and she did the same. The breakup was drawn out and complicated and she kept weaving her way back into my life, always finding new ways to reappear. We did this sad little dance for far too long.
Finally, after a few more weeks I walked away for good. I chose solitude over slow mo heartbreak. I spent the next months alone, unpacking the emotional baggage I’d never wanted to carry. I took up kickboxing which maybe was as a way to feel something physical that matched the emotional bruises I’d been collecting. I got beat up, I got stronger.
Then one quiet afternoon, after a training session, I stopped by a small café near my condo. I ordered a coffee and sank into a chair outside, music in my ears and the sun on my skin. I wasn’t looking for anything just a moment to relax after a long day.
And then she walked in.
She was stunning. So elegant, radiant, the kind of beauty that makes you forget about everything else. She sat across from me, and our eyes met more than once. I’m not usually bold with women, but i guess the stay in Thailand did change me a bit and something about her pulled me forward.
We finally locked eyes and she smiled, asking in a soft voice, “Where are you from?”
“Canada,” I said with a squeaky girllish voice then cleared my throat. “And you?”
She laughed gently and before I could lose the moment, I invited her to join me. To my surprise, she said yes.
We talked for a while about Thailand, joking about silly laws, comparing weather back home, and stumbling into a kind of connection that felt to me effortless. She told me she was a student and works part-time as a cashier at a bar in Soi Cowboy.
My heart sank a little. I’d heard enough stories about what “cashier” might mean in that part of town. But I pushed the thought aside. I respected her honesty, at least I thought it was honesty and I wasn’t ready to let cynicism ruin this feeling i had for the first time in a year.
She had to leave for work, and when I asked the name of the bar, she hesitated. She wouldn’t say, but she gave me her LINE ID. I took it as a good sign.
I waited three days before messaging her, not wanting to come off as desperate. We chatted for a couple of weeks. It was light banter, emojis, the occasional flirt. But every time I suggested meeting again, she’d dodge the invitation. Studying, tired, busy. Eventually, our messages got less frequent and dwindled into silence, and I let it fade.
Then, weeks later, a friend invited me out to celebrate his birthday. He was big on nightlife, and though I wasn’t too fond of go-go bars, I agreed as it was his night, after all so ee ended up in a bar in Soi Cowboy. The lights were dim, the music loud, and the stage was full with dancers. And then I saw her.
She was popping balloons with a very suggestive prop, dancing under neon lights and the gaze of a dozen strangers. Our eyes met againn ust like in the café nut this time, everything was different. She looked startled and embarrassed.
When her routine ended, she walked over slowly, avoiding eye contact at first. Then she said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t want to talk to me again.” We shared a few drinks, awkward at first, then laughing at the absurdity of it all. There was no bitterness, just a strange kind of understanding.
I never saw her again after that night. But I’m grateful. Not just for the story, but for the lesson it carried.
When your heart is healing, it’s easy to fall for illusions. beautiful distractions dressed in the promise of something more. But don’t let loneliness lead you blind. Take your time. Ask the right questions. Listen for the quiet truths.
Today, I’m in a loving, stable relationship with a wonderful Thai woman. She’s kind, grounded, and everything I didn’t even know I needed.
So if you’re in Southeast Asia or anywhere, really and you find yourself drawn to someone, remember: beauty might capture your attention, but authenticity is what deserves your heart.
Take it slow. And trust your gut.
